Why Do You Feel Left Out at Work?

It may be a common and uncommon dilemma for some employees. When we arrive at a new workplace, everyone has established friendships and relationships already, probably in the past year or so. It is hard to get your way in and look for a certain work friend among those established friendships, and usually, the work friend that you will find is a newcomer too. As time goes by, you may feel different. You are not yet in the inner circle, have not heard the inside scoops, and have no idea about any of the inside jokes. Then that is the time when it hits you: do I really belong here? Why do I feel left out? Is it normal to feel left out?

These certain moments may remind us of that feeling back in high school or college when everyone seems to be so attached to each other, and that does not totally make sense to us. But truth be told, this feeling of being left out at work is worse than being left out in school. Feeling left out at work means you are stuck behind the curtains while your colleagues are out there, enjoying each other’s company. You feel left out whenever you see a colleague’s post online, with a group photo in some bar or café, and you are staying at home, keeping yourself company while your colleagues are out there, mingling and having fun.

Of course, do not panic. It is a must to remember that this feeling is normal and unavoidable. It happens to all of us, and like a fever, it lulls us down. You need to remember that FOMO (fear of missing out) is a valid feeling you should address, not just ignore. If you feel left out at work, there are some things you can do and remember.

1.Do not feel bad. It is not your fault.

Feeling left out is a real thing that happens to most, if not all, employees and it can have a certain impact on your work performance. But the thing is, do not feel bad about feeling left out by your colleagues. It does not mean that if you feel left out, you are totally ignored by the people at work. It is neither your fault. Stop re-evaluating your words and actions—should have I not told them the process? Was I the right person to tell them that it is bad talking about our other colleagues? It should be normal for you to help, give advice, and call out your colleagues, if necessary, and those actions should not be taken against you. If you know you are doing the right thing and yet your colleagues leave you outside the circle, then it should not be a problem foryou.

2. Consider your colleagues’ situation.

Let us say you are feeling left out. Is it really your colleagues’ fault? It may be a feeling related to them, but it does not mean you automatically blamed your colleagues. Sometimes, some colleagues do you a favor by leaving you alone when they are aware of how stressed and tired you are. Also, instances like colleagues who joined the company at the same time have a stronger bond, so it is likely for them to be closer. You also must evaluate the situation and put yourself in your colleagues’ shoes.

3. Count it as a blessing.

We can agree that feeling left out at work sucks. But have you considered that being in the inner work circle also sucks?

It can be considered as a blessing because it would mean you are away from the tension these work friendships have. Sometimes, these friendships may turn into “frenemyships” because of promotion and work issues. At least, if you are not part of the group, you are excluded from a fiasco.

For a workplace to prevent FOMO from spreading among its employees, it must establish practices for workplace assimilation of all new employees — workplace lunches, night outs, and trips together which will help them to bond more without thinking about their tasks and duties at work. 

There should be certain workplace culture that will safeguard and assure the new employees that they are not, and will never be, left out. They can also make employees work with different people from time to time to help them establish relationships with others. Organizing the workplace layouts by providing common spaces such as a lounge or common tables that provide ways for people to mingle alleviate the feeling of being left out as well as offer opportunities to familiarize themselves.

It should be the workplace that must initiate steps in encouraging employees to establish workplace friendships. Just like how the famous song goes, no man is an island. This is not missing night outs and inside jokes, it is more of missed opportunities.

Note: This article was previously published in the printed issue of The Corporate, Guide and Style for Professionals Magazine.