Bitter or Better: It’s Your Choice

21 February 2001. While everyone was doing regular and mundane tasks, I had my hair cut short and had to dress in green with a jockey cap and black boots. I checked into a military camp at Pulau Tekong for my two years of National Suffering, otherwise called Singapore’s National Service.

National Service was one of the toughest periods of my life. I was not as fit as most of my fellow recruits, and I failed my fitness test. One of the fitness stations is the chin-up bar, where you have to grab an overhanging bar, and then pull yourself until your chin is above the bar. Then you have to lower yourself to the starting position and repeat. I could not even do a single chin-up so I was labeled as zero fighters. Every time my platoon gathered at the chin-up bars for our chin-up practice, the sergeant would call out “Where are all the zero fighters? Come, form a line here to do your chin-ups. The rest of you, carry on!” My fellow zero fighters and I were unhappy about being labeled like this. We went to see our section leader and asked him “Why must the platoon sergeant call us zero fighters? It is so embarrassing. We’re doing our best!” The section leader looked at us very thoughtfully and said, “Gentlemen, are you just going to focus on your unhappiness, or are you going to channel your energy into passing your chin-ups? Are you going to remain bitter, or get better?”

Those words made an impact on me. I decided that I am going to be better, not bitter. I started practicing my chin-ups with a fresh focus and drive. Of course, I was still called a zero fighter but I chose to ignore it. Eventually, I surprised myself when I managed to do one chin-up. Wow! I was no longer a zero fighter. I had gotten better. But I wanted to be even better. 

Feeling encouraged, I continued to practice my chin-ups, and finally, I managed to do six chin-ups and passed my fitness test. Yes! Afterward, I went to see my section leader and told him “Not bitter but better.” I could not stop my platoon sergeant from calling me a zero fighter. I could have chosen to be upset and angry about this. But thanks to my section leader’s advice, I chose to think and act constructively. I chose to channel my energy into practicing my chin-ups. I chose to be not bitter but better!

All of us have faced challenges and will continue to face challenges, be it in relationships, careers, or finances. In Britain, there was a single mother whose manuscript for a fantasy story was rejected by various publishers. She could have chosen to be bitter, moan, and weep. “This is such a great story! Why won’t the publishers accept it?” But no, she chose to be better and continued to send out her manuscript to other publishers. Finally, her manuscript was accepted by Bloomsbury and published as Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. The woman’s name is Joanne Kathleen Rowling or J.K. Rowling. She wrote another six bestselling books in the same series and became a billionaire, and one of the richest authors in the world.

When life hits you hard, what are you going to do? Are you going to remain hurt and upset, or are you going to take action and continue moving forward? Are you going to be swept away by the waves of your pain, or are you going to hold your head high, and push forward? Are you going to be bitter or better? I chose to be better. 

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Mohan Tamilmaran is a Singaporean and works for an academic publishing company at Toh Tuck Link, Singapore. His speeches have won him several Toastmasters distinctions.

Note: This article was previously published in our printed issue in The Corporate, Guide and Style for Professionals Magazine.