It’s Time to Mind Our Manners

“Good manners are ways of showing others that we have respect for them.”

– Bill Kelly

The whole issue of manners, politeness, and consideration, or lack of consideration is very much in the news, although maybe not in those exact words.  We read about crude and vulgar language that passes for comedy or conversation, popular songs whose lyrics may be sung but can’t be repeated in polite company, and paintings or pictures that offend most who see them.  These are simply rude ways to get attention and flaunt disrespect for others.

We read about something now called “road rage” and “office rage,” where seemingly normal people go berserk if caught in a tense situation or obstructed from their objective.  This is nothing different than old-fashion rudeness and lack of self-control.  Rudeness does not demonstrate power and authority.  It’s still just rude.  It’s like having a plain old temper tantrum, only nowadays, people get hurt.

Manners are always changing, evolving according to the times, and not always a change for the better.  Since the turbulent 1960s and the onset of anti-establishment attitudes, we have been living in a gradual state of change, distinguished by the general casualization of the world, a cultural downtrend toward extreme informality.  As a society, we value freedom and casual informality more today than when manners were first codified, but just because we live more casually doesn’t mean we have to live less agreeably, less civilly.

The word “civil” came into being when people started living closely together in cities, more civilized, so they said.  If people were going to survive living in such close proximity to others, they had to develop ground rules of behavior.  Hence, customs, mores, and manners developed in all parts of the world where people lived in communities.  They became the lubricant that eased social interactions.

To be polite literally means to be polished; the two words come from the same root word.  People who were polite showed not only good taste, culture, and character, but were also refined and had good manners.  The first place for manners to be refined was in royal courts, and so, the word “courtesy.”  The opposite was someone who was vulgar, literally a common person, supposedly with no need to be refined or polite.

It’s easier today to separate ourselves from others, even in the city.  We can stay at home and be entertained by everything from televisions to computers.  When we do go out, it’s in our own car and alone, which gets us quickly to places where people don’t know us.  Add to that, the media floods us with entertainment created by people determined to push us to the very edge of our tolerance and, maybe beyond.  A few TV programs may be models of civility, but many more appeal to the most vulgar elements in society.

Today, our definition of “courteous” is often lost on deaf ears and it is common for people to feel no need to be refined or polite anymore.  This runaway rudeness is eroding our quality of life, it takes away the joy of life.

Our lack of everyday civility has become a social shame.  The declining level of civility in our society is cause for alarm.

And, indeed, some are beginning to sound the alarm, to call for a return to good manners, respect, and character.  Organizations across the nation are advocating the return to character education as a tool for teaching kindness, courtesy, respect and greater civility.

We are each part of the global community.  We must be civil and respectful to one another to survive.  A truly civilized person is one who is a real gentleman or a lady.  A gentleman is not the one using his fists, his mouth or flipping people off.  A gentleman is the one helping the lady out of the car.  A lady is the one allowing the man in the car in front of her to change lanes.